Izbrani forum: Odklop
Izbrana tema: Treniranje smejalnih mišic :)
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[Endimion]Da si ne boš sam odgovarjal ..dokler ga lahko fukaš, ga lahko tudi gledaš... ;)
Kaj je težje prijatelji forumski:
It zvečer ven, pa gledat vse pizdovje, ki ga ne moreš pokavsat, al ostat doma, pa fukat pizdovje, ki ga ne moreš (več) gledat?
sporočil: 10.683
An Irishman walks into a bar. Bartender notices he has a steering
wheel stuck inside his pants and goes:
Hey there mister. What is the steering wheel doing in your pants?
The Irishman responds:
It's driving me nuts
Hey there mister. What is the steering wheel doing in your pants?
The Irishman responds:
It's driving me nuts
sporočil: 10.683
Pravi fant punci:
"Ej bejbi, včer sm mel mokre sanje, in ti si bila v njih"
Ona se malce pomedi:
"A res? Kaj pa je bilo v sanjah?"
Fant odvrne:
"Tebe je avto do smrt' povozil, jaz pa sem se poscal od smeha"
"Ej bejbi, včer sm mel mokre sanje, in ti si bila v njih"
Ona se malce pomedi:
"A res? Kaj pa je bilo v sanjah?"
Fant odvrne:
"Tebe je avto do smrt' povozil, jaz pa sem se poscal od smeha"
sporočil: 14.456
A man was reported to have said: "Nikolay is a moron!" and was
arrested by a policeman. "No, sir, I meant not our respected
Emperor, but another Nikolay!" - "Don't try to trick me: if you say
"moron", you are obviously referring to our tsar!"
A respected merchant, Sevenassov, wants to change his surname, and asks the Tsar for permission. The Tsar gives his decision in writing: "Permitted to subtract two asses".
Midnight Petrograd... A Red Guards night watch spots a shadow trying to sneak by. "Stop! Who goes there? Documents!" The frightened person chaotically rummages through his pockets and drops a paper. The Guards chief picks it up and reads slowly, with difficulty: "U.ri.ne A.na.ly.sis"... "Hmm... a foreigner, sounds like ..." "A spy, looks like.... Let's shoot him on the spot!" Then he reads further: "'Proteins: none, Sugars: none, Fats: none...' You are free to go, proletarian comrade! Long live the World revolution!"
Lenin coined a slogan about how communism would be achieved thanks to Communist Party rule and the modernization of the Russian industry and agriculture: "Communism is Soviet power plus electrification of the whole country!" The slogan was subjected to mathematical scrutiny by the people: "Consequently, Soviet power is communism minus electrification, and electrification is communism minus Soviet power."
Q: What's the difference between a capitalist fairy tale and a Marxist fairy tale?
A: A capitalist fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time, there was....". A Marxist fairy tale begins, "Some day, there will be...."
Q: Is it true that the Soviet Union is the most progressive country in the world?
A: Of course! Life was already better yesterday than it's going to be tomorrow!
During the famine of the civil war, a delegation of starving peasants comes to the Smolny, wanting to file a petition. "We have even started eating grass like horses," says one peasant. "Soon we will start neighing like horses!" "Come now! Don't worry!" says Lenin reassuringly. "We are drinking tea with honey here, and we're not buzzing like bees, are we?"
A kindergarten group is on a walk in a park, and they see a baby hare. These are city kids who have never seen a hare. "Do you know who this is?" asks the teacher. No one knows. "Come on, kids", says the teacher, "He's a character in many of the stories, songs and poems we are always reading." Finally one kid works out the answer, pats the hare and says reverently, "So that's what you're like, Grandpa Lenin!"
An old crone had to wait for two hours to get on a bus. Bus after bus arrived full up with passengers, and she was unable to squeeze herself in as well. When she finally did manage to clamber aboard one of them, she wiped her forehead and exclaimed, "Finally, glory to God!" The driver said, "Mother, you must not say that. You must say 'Glory to comrade Stalin!'." "Excuse me, comrade," the woman replied. "I'm just a backward old woman. From now on I'll say what you told me to." After a while, she continued: "Excuse me, comrade, I am old and stupid. What shall I say if, God forbid, Stalin dies?" "Well, then you may say, 'Glory to God!'"
Khrushchev visited a pig farm and was photographed there. In the newspaper office, a discussion is underway about how to caption the picture. "Comrade Khrushchev among pigs," "Comrade Khrushchev and pigs," and "Pigs surround comrade Khrushchev" are all rejected. Finally, the editor announces his decision: "Third from left – comrade Khrushchev."
At the 1980 Olympics, Brezhnev begins his speech. "O!"—applause. "O!"—an ovation. "O!!!"—the whole audience stands up and applauds. An aide comes running to the podium and whispers, "Leonid Ilyich, those are the Olympic logo rings, you don't need to read all of them!"
After a speech, Brezhnev confronts his speechwriter. "I asked for a 15-minute speech, but the one you gave me lasted 45 minutes!" The speechwriter replies: "I gave you three copies..."
A hotel. A room for four with four strangers. Three of them soon open a bottle of vodka and proceed to get acquainted, then drunk, then noisy, singing, and telling political jokes. The fourth man desperately tries to get some sleep; finally, in frustration he surreptitiously leaves the room, goes downstairs, and asks the lady concierge to bring tea to Room 67 in ten minutes. Then he returns and joins the party. Five minutes later, he bends to a power outlet: “Comrade Major, some tea to Room 67, please.” In a few minutes, there’s a knock at the door, and in comes the lady concierge with a tea tray. The room falls silent; the party dies a sudden death, and the prankster finally gets to sleep. The next morning he wakes up alone in the room. Surprised, he runs downstairs and asks the concierge what happened to his companions. “You don’t need to know!” she answers. “B-but… but what about me?” asks the terrified fellow. “Oh, you… well… Comrade Major liked your tea gag a lot.”
In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. “What did they arrest you for?” asks the first. “Was it a political or common crime?” “Of course it was political. I’m a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, ‘Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.’ So they gave me seven years.”
A frightened man came to the KGB. “My talking parrot has disappeared.” “That’s not the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal police.” “Excuse me, of course I know that I must go to them. I am here just to tell you officially that I disagree with the parrot.”
en.wikipedia.org/wik...ical_jokes
A respected merchant, Sevenassov, wants to change his surname, and asks the Tsar for permission. The Tsar gives his decision in writing: "Permitted to subtract two asses".
Midnight Petrograd... A Red Guards night watch spots a shadow trying to sneak by. "Stop! Who goes there? Documents!" The frightened person chaotically rummages through his pockets and drops a paper. The Guards chief picks it up and reads slowly, with difficulty: "U.ri.ne A.na.ly.sis"... "Hmm... a foreigner, sounds like ..." "A spy, looks like.... Let's shoot him on the spot!" Then he reads further: "'Proteins: none, Sugars: none, Fats: none...' You are free to go, proletarian comrade! Long live the World revolution!"
Lenin coined a slogan about how communism would be achieved thanks to Communist Party rule and the modernization of the Russian industry and agriculture: "Communism is Soviet power plus electrification of the whole country!" The slogan was subjected to mathematical scrutiny by the people: "Consequently, Soviet power is communism minus electrification, and electrification is communism minus Soviet power."
Q: What's the difference between a capitalist fairy tale and a Marxist fairy tale?
A: A capitalist fairy tale begins, "Once upon a time, there was....". A Marxist fairy tale begins, "Some day, there will be...."
Q: Is it true that the Soviet Union is the most progressive country in the world?
A: Of course! Life was already better yesterday than it's going to be tomorrow!
During the famine of the civil war, a delegation of starving peasants comes to the Smolny, wanting to file a petition. "We have even started eating grass like horses," says one peasant. "Soon we will start neighing like horses!" "Come now! Don't worry!" says Lenin reassuringly. "We are drinking tea with honey here, and we're not buzzing like bees, are we?"
A kindergarten group is on a walk in a park, and they see a baby hare. These are city kids who have never seen a hare. "Do you know who this is?" asks the teacher. No one knows. "Come on, kids", says the teacher, "He's a character in many of the stories, songs and poems we are always reading." Finally one kid works out the answer, pats the hare and says reverently, "So that's what you're like, Grandpa Lenin!"
An old crone had to wait for two hours to get on a bus. Bus after bus arrived full up with passengers, and she was unable to squeeze herself in as well. When she finally did manage to clamber aboard one of them, she wiped her forehead and exclaimed, "Finally, glory to God!" The driver said, "Mother, you must not say that. You must say 'Glory to comrade Stalin!'." "Excuse me, comrade," the woman replied. "I'm just a backward old woman. From now on I'll say what you told me to." After a while, she continued: "Excuse me, comrade, I am old and stupid. What shall I say if, God forbid, Stalin dies?" "Well, then you may say, 'Glory to God!'"
Khrushchev visited a pig farm and was photographed there. In the newspaper office, a discussion is underway about how to caption the picture. "Comrade Khrushchev among pigs," "Comrade Khrushchev and pigs," and "Pigs surround comrade Khrushchev" are all rejected. Finally, the editor announces his decision: "Third from left – comrade Khrushchev."
At the 1980 Olympics, Brezhnev begins his speech. "O!"—applause. "O!"—an ovation. "O!!!"—the whole audience stands up and applauds. An aide comes running to the podium and whispers, "Leonid Ilyich, those are the Olympic logo rings, you don't need to read all of them!"
After a speech, Brezhnev confronts his speechwriter. "I asked for a 15-minute speech, but the one you gave me lasted 45 minutes!" The speechwriter replies: "I gave you three copies..."
A hotel. A room for four with four strangers. Three of them soon open a bottle of vodka and proceed to get acquainted, then drunk, then noisy, singing, and telling political jokes. The fourth man desperately tries to get some sleep; finally, in frustration he surreptitiously leaves the room, goes downstairs, and asks the lady concierge to bring tea to Room 67 in ten minutes. Then he returns and joins the party. Five minutes later, he bends to a power outlet: “Comrade Major, some tea to Room 67, please.” In a few minutes, there’s a knock at the door, and in comes the lady concierge with a tea tray. The room falls silent; the party dies a sudden death, and the prankster finally gets to sleep. The next morning he wakes up alone in the room. Surprised, he runs downstairs and asks the concierge what happened to his companions. “You don’t need to know!” she answers. “B-but… but what about me?” asks the terrified fellow. “Oh, you… well… Comrade Major liked your tea gag a lot.”
In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes. “What did they arrest you for?” asks the first. “Was it a political or common crime?” “Of course it was political. I’m a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, ‘Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.’ So they gave me seven years.”
A frightened man came to the KGB. “My talking parrot has disappeared.” “That’s not the kind of case we handle. Go to the criminal police.” “Excuse me, of course I know that I must go to them. I am here just to tell you officially that I disagree with the parrot.”
en.wikipedia.org/wik...ical_jokes
sporočil: 14.456
Mala devojčica je pričala sa svojom učiteljicom o kitovima.
Učiteljica je tvrdila da je fizički nemoguće da kit proguta čoveka zato što je, bez obzira što je kit tako veliki, njegovo ždrelo veoma malo.
Devojčica je uporno tvdila da je Džona progutao kit.
Iritirana, učiteljica je ponovila da kit ne može da proguta čoveka, jer je to fizički nemoguće.
Devojčica je rekla:
- E, kad odem u raj, pitaću Džona!
Učiteljica je upita:
- A, šta ako je Džon otišao u pakao?
Devojčica odgovori:
- Onda ga Vi pitajte.
Učiteljica je tvrdila da je fizički nemoguće da kit proguta čoveka zato što je, bez obzira što je kit tako veliki, njegovo ždrelo veoma malo.
Devojčica je uporno tvdila da je Džona progutao kit.
Iritirana, učiteljica je ponovila da kit ne može da proguta čoveka, jer je to fizički nemoguće.
Devojčica je rekla:
- E, kad odem u raj, pitaću Džona!
Učiteljica je upita:
- A, šta ako je Džon otišao u pakao?
Devojčica odgovori:
- Onda ga Vi pitajte.
sporočil: 14.456
Na času likovnog učiteljica je zadala deci da nacrtaju nešto po
slobodnom izboru. Povremeno je prošetala da vidi svaki dečji
rad.
Kad je došla do jedne devojčice koja je posebno vredno radila, upita je šta to crta.
Devojčica odgovori;
“Crtam Boga.”
Učiteljica zastade i reče:
“Ali, niko ne zna kako Bog izgleda.”
Ne dižući glavu sa svog crteža devojčica odgovori:
“Znaćete za neki minut.”
---
Deca su u kafeteriji Katoličke osnovne škole čekala u redu za ručak. Na početku linije je bio veliki poslužavnik sa jabukama.
Časna sestra je napisala na cedulji:
“Uzmi samo jednu. Bog pazi.”
Na drugom kraju linije, nalazio se veliki poslužavnik sa čokoladnim kolačima. Tu je bila i cedulja napisana dečjim rukopisom:
“Uzmi koliko hoćeš. Bog pazi na jabuke!”
Kad je došla do jedne devojčice koja je posebno vredno radila, upita je šta to crta.
Devojčica odgovori;
“Crtam Boga.”
Učiteljica zastade i reče:
“Ali, niko ne zna kako Bog izgleda.”
Ne dižući glavu sa svog crteža devojčica odgovori:
“Znaćete za neki minut.”
---
Deca su u kafeteriji Katoličke osnovne škole čekala u redu za ručak. Na početku linije je bio veliki poslužavnik sa jabukama.
Časna sestra je napisala na cedulji:
“Uzmi samo jednu. Bog pazi.”
Na drugom kraju linije, nalazio se veliki poslužavnik sa čokoladnim kolačima. Tu je bila i cedulja napisana dečjim rukopisom:
“Uzmi koliko hoćeš. Bog pazi na jabuke!”
sporočil: 14.456
Jednog dana, mala devojčica je sedela i gledala svoju majku kako
pere sudove u sudoperi. Primetila je da majka ima nekoliko sedih
vlasi u inače tamnoj kosi. Pogledala je majku i radoznalo
upitala:
- Zašto su ti neke dlake bele?
Majka joj je odgovorila:
- Pa, svaki put kad ti uradiš nešto loše i ja zbog toga budem tužna i plačem, jedna moja dlaka pobeli.
Devojčica je neko vreme razmišljala o onome što joj je majka rekla, a zatim upita:
- Mama, a kako to da je sva bakina kosa seda?
---
Učiteljica je pričala o cirkulaciji krvi u organizmu. Pokušavajuci da pojasni stvari, rekla je:
“Vidite deco, kad ja dubim na glavi, moja krv, kao što znate jurne u glavu i ja postanem crvena u licu.”
“Da,” potvrdio je razred.
“A, zašto, onda kada ja stojim normalno, krv ne jurne u moja stopala?”
Jedan đak je odgovorio, “Zato što Vaša stopala nisu prazna.”
- Zašto su ti neke dlake bele?
Majka joj je odgovorila:
- Pa, svaki put kad ti uradiš nešto loše i ja zbog toga budem tužna i plačem, jedna moja dlaka pobeli.
Devojčica je neko vreme razmišljala o onome što joj je majka rekla, a zatim upita:
- Mama, a kako to da je sva bakina kosa seda?
---
Učiteljica je pričala o cirkulaciji krvi u organizmu. Pokušavajuci da pojasni stvari, rekla je:
“Vidite deco, kad ja dubim na glavi, moja krv, kao što znate jurne u glavu i ja postanem crvena u licu.”
“Da,” potvrdio je razred.
“A, zašto, onda kada ja stojim normalno, krv ne jurne u moja stopala?”
Jedan đak je odgovorio, “Zato što Vaša stopala nisu prazna.”
sporočil: 10.683
Pride kitajc v trafiko na prešercu in pravi:
- Huang won jun kim Coca Cola?
Trafikantka suvereno"
- Piksno česa bi?
- Huang won jun kim Coca Cola?
Trafikantka suvereno"
- Piksno česa bi?
sporočil: 14.456
Očitno tukaj nikomur ni več do smeha. Pokukajte na delo.si, tam
imajo danes eno dobro kozerijo:
Preberite magnetogram četrtkove vladne seje, ki smo ga protizakonito pridobili v uredništvu. Naglas.
www.delo.si/ozadja/z...obila.html
sporočil: 14.456
When I checked in I had four bags and I asked the check in desk to
send the first bag to Chicago, the second bag to Paris, the third
bag to Houston and the fourth one to arrive in London just as I was
leaving. She looked at me and said "sorry sir that would not be
possible to arrange". I said "why not? You did it last week."
sporočil: 10.683
Pride dec pozno popoldne, že proti večeru, domov, in dobi ženo, da
jo črnc natepava.
Popizdi, gre v ostarijo pa prazne ta kratke. pove prijatelju odvetniku, kaj se mu je bilo pripetilo. Odvetnik zavoha posel:
"Lej, dej prit zjutraj k men v pisarno, bova tožila. Saj maš vse črno na belem..."
Popizdi, gre v ostarijo pa prazne ta kratke. pove prijatelju odvetniku, kaj se mu je bilo pripetilo. Odvetnik zavoha posel:
"Lej, dej prit zjutraj k men v pisarno, bova tožila. Saj maš vse črno na belem..."
sporočil: 14.456
Svežemu diplomirancu brez službe oče pove, da mu bo zrihtal službo
v Svetovni banki, če se poroči s hčerjo Billa Gatesa. Sin se
najprej upira, nato pa popusti v prepričanju, da fotr
blefira.
Nato oče pokliče Billa Gatesa in mu pove, da bi svojega sina poročil z njegovo hčerko. Gates seveda ni zato. Ko mu podjetni oče pove, da ima njegov sin lepo službo v Svetovni banki, Gates privoli.
Nazadnje oče pokliče še direktorja Svetovne banke in ga prosi, da sinu ponudi dobro službo. Direktor hoče pogovor prekiniti, a ko mu oče pove, da je njegov sin zet Billa Gatesa, hitro najde službo zanj.
In tako sta srečno živela do konca svojih dni. :-)
Nato oče pokliče Billa Gatesa in mu pove, da bi svojega sina poročil z njegovo hčerko. Gates seveda ni zato. Ko mu podjetni oče pove, da ima njegov sin lepo službo v Svetovni banki, Gates privoli.
Nazadnje oče pokliče še direktorja Svetovne banke in ga prosi, da sinu ponudi dobro službo. Direktor hoče pogovor prekiniti, a ko mu oče pove, da je njegov sin zet Billa Gatesa, hitro najde službo zanj.
In tako sta srečno živela do konca svojih dni. :-)
sporočil: 201
Na sredini Paskog mosta, na samom rubu ograde, stoji prelijepa i
savrseno gradjena plavusa. Gleda dolje u sinje more i hoce se ubit,
kad naidje mladi i naociti pomorac u uniformi.
"Djevojko, sto to radis nasred mosta?" - povice pomorac.
"Ma hocu se ubiti, svi me muskarci svaki dan samo zele seviti i nista vise, nitko se ne bi sa mnom druzio i razgovarao!" odgovori tuzno plavusa.
"Nemoj tako, nismo svi isti, evo ja se upravo danas ukrcavam na brod za Ameriku, pa ako hoces kreni sa mnom na besplatni put. Mozes spavati na drugom
krevetu u mojoj kabini a ja cu ti potajno donositi hranu.
Samo obecaj mi, da ces ostati skrivena u mojoj kabini, jer ako te kapetan otkrije oboje smo
nastradali. "
Pomisli plavusa: "Evo nade za bolji zivot u Americi!"
I tajno se, te noci ukrca s njim na brod.... Prvog dana donese pomorac dorucak u kabinu i vrati se na posao.
Donese joj rucak i opet se vrati na posao.
Navecer joj donese veceru i mrtav umoran od posla srusi se u svoj krevet i zaspi. I tako isto bijase i drugi,i treci i peti dan...
A plavusi, iz dana u dan, pomorac sve drazi i drazi, pa nakon tjedan shvati da se zaljubila u njega. Kada je te veceri dosao u kabinu,ona ga poljubi i zavrse u zestokom seksu.... I tako plovise oni dva i pol mjeseca Preko dana on bi radio , a ona bi, zahvalna i sretna, s uzivanjem cistila i pospremala njihovu kabinu. A svaku bi vecer uski brodski krevet glasno skripio od njihovog strasnog seksa.
Sve dok jednog prijepodneva u kabinu slucajno ne udje kapetan broda. Ugleda prekrasnu plavusu i u cudu je upita:
"Djevojko sto vi radite na mom brodu!!??"
"Ma znate kapetane..., ja sam se htjela ubiti jer me svi muskarci zele samo seviti i nitko se od njih ne bi se sa mnom druzio i razgovarao.
Spasio me vas mladi pomorac i poveo ovim brodom na put u Ameriku. Riskirao je svoj posao kako bi mi pomogao i predivan je prema meni,cijeli dan naporno radi i donosi mi hranu. Zavoljeli smo se i svaku vecer istinski vodimo ljubav dok se nase duse i tijela spajaju u jedno.Razni pokvarenjaci vise ne iskoristavaju moje tijelo, vise me nitko, kako vi
muskarci odvratno kazete, ne "j*be"..."
Kapetan je mirno pogleda preko svojih naocala i hladnokrvno odgovori:
"J*be on tebe sreco, j*be ... Jer duso... ovo je trajekt Split-Brac!"
"Djevojko, sto to radis nasred mosta?" - povice pomorac.
"Ma hocu se ubiti, svi me muskarci svaki dan samo zele seviti i nista vise, nitko se ne bi sa mnom druzio i razgovarao!" odgovori tuzno plavusa.
"Nemoj tako, nismo svi isti, evo ja se upravo danas ukrcavam na brod za Ameriku, pa ako hoces kreni sa mnom na besplatni put. Mozes spavati na drugom
krevetu u mojoj kabini a ja cu ti potajno donositi hranu.
Samo obecaj mi, da ces ostati skrivena u mojoj kabini, jer ako te kapetan otkrije oboje smo
nastradali. "
Pomisli plavusa: "Evo nade za bolji zivot u Americi!"
I tajno se, te noci ukrca s njim na brod.... Prvog dana donese pomorac dorucak u kabinu i vrati se na posao.
Donese joj rucak i opet se vrati na posao.
Navecer joj donese veceru i mrtav umoran od posla srusi se u svoj krevet i zaspi. I tako isto bijase i drugi,i treci i peti dan...
A plavusi, iz dana u dan, pomorac sve drazi i drazi, pa nakon tjedan shvati da se zaljubila u njega. Kada je te veceri dosao u kabinu,ona ga poljubi i zavrse u zestokom seksu.... I tako plovise oni dva i pol mjeseca Preko dana on bi radio , a ona bi, zahvalna i sretna, s uzivanjem cistila i pospremala njihovu kabinu. A svaku bi vecer uski brodski krevet glasno skripio od njihovog strasnog seksa.
Sve dok jednog prijepodneva u kabinu slucajno ne udje kapetan broda. Ugleda prekrasnu plavusu i u cudu je upita:
"Djevojko sto vi radite na mom brodu!!??"
"Ma znate kapetane..., ja sam se htjela ubiti jer me svi muskarci zele samo seviti i nitko se od njih ne bi se sa mnom druzio i razgovarao.
Spasio me vas mladi pomorac i poveo ovim brodom na put u Ameriku. Riskirao je svoj posao kako bi mi pomogao i predivan je prema meni,cijeli dan naporno radi i donosi mi hranu. Zavoljeli smo se i svaku vecer istinski vodimo ljubav dok se nase duse i tijela spajaju u jedno.Razni pokvarenjaci vise ne iskoristavaju moje tijelo, vise me nitko, kako vi
muskarci odvratno kazete, ne "j*be"..."
Kapetan je mirno pogleda preko svojih naocala i hladnokrvno odgovori:
"J*be on tebe sreco, j*be ... Jer duso... ovo je trajekt Split-Brac!"
sporočil: 201
»Zakaj si bil zaprt?«
»Veš, kuverte..«
»Zakaj so te tako hitro spustili?
»Spet kuverte.«
»Veš, kuverte..«
»Zakaj so te tako hitro spustili?
»Spet kuverte.«
sporočil: 1
čas vnosa: 22.01.18 11:26
On: Bi spala z mano za milijon dolarjev ?
Ona: Za milijon ? Vau, to pa že.
On: Kaj pa za dva dolarja ?
Ona: Zgini, stari ! Kaj pa misliš, da sem ?
On: To sva že razčistila. Zdaj se pogajava samo še za ceno.
Ona: Za milijon ? Vau, to pa že.
On: Kaj pa za dva dolarja ?
Ona: Zgini, stari ! Kaj pa misliš, da sem ?
On: To sva že razčistila. Zdaj se pogajava samo še za ceno.
sporočil: 10.683
Severno Kosovo.
Albanac pozvoni Srbinu:
- "Dobar dan, komšija, koljiko oćeš za tvoja kuća?"
Srbin:
- "Pa..., da kupim lepi stan u Nišu i da ne brinem puno - dve kile u zlatu."
Albanac:
- "Evo tebi četiri kiljograma u zljatu."
Srbin:
- "A Zašto toliko?"
Albanac:
- "Idi kupi stan u Ljubljana, da te ne seljim dvaput!"
Albanac pozvoni Srbinu:
- "Dobar dan, komšija, koljiko oćeš za tvoja kuća?"
Srbin:
- "Pa..., da kupim lepi stan u Nišu i da ne brinem puno - dve kile u zlatu."
Albanac:
- "Evo tebi četiri kiljograma u zljatu."
Srbin:
- "A Zašto toliko?"
Albanac:
- "Idi kupi stan u Ljubljana, da te ne seljim dvaput!"
sporočil: 39
Pride par do ginekologa, ker bi rada mela otroka.
Par: gospod doktor res ne veva, kaj naj narediva, da bi dobila otroka. Seksa na parne dni, na neparne, petke in svetke, na lunine mrke, ko so planeti poravnani...ni da ni, pa kar ne gre. Ali lahko kako pomagate, res si želiva spočet otroka.
Dohtar: žau ne bo šlo, evolucija fanta
:D
Par: gospod doktor res ne veva, kaj naj narediva, da bi dobila otroka. Seksa na parne dni, na neparne, petke in svetke, na lunine mrke, ko so planeti poravnani...ni da ni, pa kar ne gre. Ali lahko kako pomagate, res si želiva spočet otroka.
Dohtar: žau ne bo šlo, evolucija fanta
:D
sporočil: 664
Imam bolnico, ki mi ob vsaki kontroli pove en vic. Tokrat sem umrla
od smeha (pazi to, iz ust 85letne gospe):
Zajčki so imeli svatbeno sezono. In se cel kup zajčic postavi v vrsto, oče zajec pa reče sinu zajčku: "Glej, dovolj si star, da priskočiš na pomoč, bova začela vsak s svojega konca vrste."
In štarta zajček od začetka vrste bliskovito po zajčje in se vsaki zahvali "Merci madame... merci madame... merci madame ... ... ... ups... pardon papa!"
Zajčki so imeli svatbeno sezono. In se cel kup zajčic postavi v vrsto, oče zajec pa reče sinu zajčku: "Glej, dovolj si star, da priskočiš na pomoč, bova začela vsak s svojega konca vrste."
In štarta zajček od začetka vrste bliskovito po zajčje in se vsaki zahvali "Merci madame... merci madame... merci madame ... ... ... ups... pardon papa!"
sporočil: 10.683
[code5]#DoSolz
Imam bolnico, ki mi ob vsaki kontroli pove en vic. Tokrat sem umrla od smeha (pazi to, iz ust 85letne gospe):
Zajčki so imeli svatbeno sezono. In se cel kup zajčic postavi v vrsto, oče zajec pa reče sinu zajčku: "Glej, dovolj si star, da priskočiš na pomoč, bova začela vsak s svojega konca vrste."
In štarta zajček od začetka vrste bliskovito po zajčje in se vsaki zahvali "Merci madame... merci madame... merci madame ... ... ... ups... pardon papa!"
sporočil: 10.683
Dva kmeta sedita na vozu polnem drv, ki ga vleče en sam konj.
Pridejo do malo večjega klanca, konj se muči, trudi.. vleče.. in enkrat od muke prdne.
Eden od kmetov se nakremži in vpraša:
"Kaj pa tako smrdi?"
Pa drugi pravi:
"KUPLUNGA"
Pridejo do malo večjega klanca, konj se muči, trudi.. vleče.. in enkrat od muke prdne.
Eden od kmetov se nakremži in vpraša:
"Kaj pa tako smrdi?"
Pa drugi pravi:
"KUPLUNGA"
sporočil: 10.683
Na kitajskem umre visok partijski funkcionar in centralni komite
odredi desetdnevno žalovanje.
Pokliče kitajec na CK in vpraša:
"A je dovoljen sex med desetdnevnim žalovanjem?"
"Je dovoljen a le s svojo ženo."
Kitajec zmedeno:
"Razumem, zakaj pa le s svojo ženo?"
"Da bo žalovanje večje."
Pokliče kitajec na CK in vpraša:
"A je dovoljen sex med desetdnevnim žalovanjem?"
"Je dovoljen a le s svojo ženo."
Kitajec zmedeno:
"Razumem, zakaj pa le s svojo ženo?"
"Da bo žalovanje večje."
sporočil: 2.010
Zadnja sprememba: peterw 15.05.2019 20:41
Star črnogorski pregovor..Bolje it iz šihta malo okurcan, kot pa fajn zmatran :)
sporočil: 14.456
Zakaj v Brexitaniji (in drugod) med pohodom koronavirusa zmanjkuje
toaletnega papirja?
Vsakič ko kdo kihne, se jih deset poserje.
Vsakič ko kdo kihne, se jih deset poserje.
sporočil: 14.456
Naslednji vikend bomo ure spet premaknili naprej. Bi se jih dalo
premakniti za kakšne 4 mesece naprej?
sporočil: 13.528
[pobalin]Kažu da je smrtnost od korone samo 2 posto ali za onog koji umre je smrtnost 100 posto :)
Zakaj v Brexitaniji (in drugod) med pohodom koronavirusa zmanjkuje toaletnega papirja?
Vsakič ko kdo kihne, se jih deset poserje.
sporočil: 14.456
Mož je v kuhinjo prinesel zemljevid sveta in puščico pikada.
Rekel mi je, da me bo po tej pandemiji odpeljal na počitnice kamorkoli bom zadela s puščico.
Na koncu je izpadlo, da bova dopustovala pod kuhinjsko mizo.
Rekel mi je, da me bo po tej pandemiji odpeljal na počitnice kamorkoli bom zadela s puščico.
Na koncu je izpadlo, da bova dopustovala pod kuhinjsko mizo.
